A Healer's Journey: From 'Dis-Ease' to Purpose
Embedded Files
Under Construction. Stay tuned for more to come!
Left: It all looks good! A happy moment at the Santa Barbara Farmer's Market with my partner (and soon-to-be wife) Jessica in the early 90's.
Appearances Can Be Deceiving
Appearances Can Be Deceiving
By all appearances, in my early 30s, I led a charmed life: I was settled in Santa Barbara, California with the beauty and expansiveness of the Pacific Ocean on one side and the picturesque Santa Ynez mountains on the other. I was in a loving relationship with my wife Jessica and had an intellectually challenging career unfolding as a doctoral student in education. Yet truth be told, I was often miserable: trapped in ongoing cycles of insomnia, anxiety, and debilitating depression. The fact was, I was deeply troubled–made all the worse by the sense that with all that I had going for me, I “should” be happy and grateful.
Traditional remedies like prescription medications proved ineffective and had troubling side effects. Conventional counseling offered only limited relief. Even with psychotherapy, my profound sense of "dis-ease" stubbornly remained.
Taking a New Direction
Taking a New Direction
Desperate for change, I started casting about for alternatives–trying meditation, yoga, Chi Gong and even channeled guidance. During this phase of searching, I met and began working with an alternative practitioner known as don Eliot Cowan, who was a mara’akame or healer and ritual leader in the Wixáritari (Huichol) tradition of Mexico.
At first, my sessions with don Eliot seemed rather odd. With a self-awareness aided by years of psycho-therapy, I could easily begin with my latest list of complaints–really just new variations on the familiar themes of anxiety and depression. Don Eliot would listen attentively, but say very little. At some point, he might abruptly pull out feathered wands called muvieris and perform a limpia (spiritual cleaning) around my body. Only afterwards might there be a few words of counseling. This was unlike any “medicine” that I had ever experienced before.
Right: don Eliot Cowan near his office in Santa Barbara, California.
And yet, over time, I began experiencing a profound shift. It’s not like the symptoms disappeared overnight, but they gradually became less troublesome. Most importantly, I began feeling an almost child-like joy–a sense that I was on some kind of great adventure. It was like stepping through a magical doorway to experience an alternative world very much like the one I knew from before, but it was dramatically more vibrant and mysterious.
A Path Unfolds
A Path Unfolds
By the time a year had gone by since my first visit, my monthly sessions with don Eliot had a familiar pattern and whatever mysterious forces were behind his work, I was grateful for the help. But then I was to have one of the great shocks of my life.
It all began with a series of unsettling dreams. Like many psycho-therapists I had encountered before, don Eliot would often ask about any experiences of this sort. At this particular juncture, when I shared what I remembered of these vivid dreams, I was stunned to hear his interpretation: He said that like him, I had a soul calling to become a mara’akame. Only by following this calling would I have any hope of resolving the ‘dis-ease’ that had been showing up as anxiety, depression, and insomnia.
It took some time to get beyond my initial surprise–which only gave way to great doubt and fear. After all, stepping onto this ancient path would be the greatest leap into the unknown that I had ever done! Yet deep down, I somehow knew this was the way forward.
And so I began an arduous six-year apprenticeship under don Eliot’s guidance. Following the tradition, I began making annual pilgrimages to sacred medicine beings in Mexico known as kakayarixi. By establishing a good relationship with the kakayarixi, my own muvieris would acquire the ability to bring healing to others–just as mara’akate (plural) had been doing for many centuries before me.
Above: The kakayari known as Tatei Amitl, which had been calling me in my dreams.
Pilgrimage turned out to be challenging on so many levels. First, for a month prior to visiting the kakayarixi, I had to follow a month-long preparation that included refraining from sex, bathing, and eating any salted food. When we first approached the powerful kakayari that had shown up in my dreams, I was treated to the imposing sight below. Our offerings had to be placed at the very top, and that meantI long hikes in the beating sun, a climb of over 2000 feet (in keeping with the tradition, fasting from both food and water from sunrise until we reached our destination at the very top)–all of this leading to pain and exhaustion. And all along the way, we were dealing with chiggers, ticks, scorpions, and an occasional venomous snake.
Overcoming all the challenges of my six-year apprenticeship was only possible because of the support of the kakayarixi, as well as the wisdom, courage and unwavering devotion of don Eliot and other elders who became my models–including don José Sandoval De la Cruz, don David Wiley, and don Efrén González Carrillo. In addition to the experience of pilgrimage and direct instruction from these elders, I would also benefit from a more formal study of the knowledge and perspective of the Wirárika tradition.
Left: don José Sandoval de la Cruz–who presided over my initiation as a mara'akame in 2004.
My initiation as a mara’akame in 2004 turned out to be only the beginning of a life-long commitment that includes on-going pilgrimage to many sacred medicine beings in Mexico. To keep the medicine alive, I must continue deepening my relationship kakayarixi and engage in other ceremonies on a regular basis. Like all of the mara’akate who have come before me, through pilgrimage and my devotion to the tradition, I have been given the gift of wawiniuki or access to the healing influences of the sacred medicine beings.
Above: don Eliot Cowan, don David Wiley and me.
Above: don Efren González Carrillo and me.
The dis-ease that haunted me in my earlier years has given way to a life of joy, peace, and purpose. Certainly, like any human being, I still have my challenges. Even so, through this profoundly ancient medicine, I’ve been brought into living relationships with the Divine Forces and expressions that make up the world. I have personally benefitted immeasurably, but the wawiniuki is primarily for the benefit of others.
My life purpose is to bring deep healing to people of all walks of life
during a time of great challenge and need.
Page updated
Report abuse